i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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