Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her