I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
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What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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