just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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