So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
