Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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