I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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