i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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