you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
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This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
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You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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