guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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