Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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