What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
