So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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