I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
