I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
