He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
