Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
