She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
