Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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