Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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