It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
