i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
