arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
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i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
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What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
He has the fingertips of a God
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