That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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