I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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