I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
