Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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