I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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