The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
