Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
