my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
