I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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