he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
