hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
