She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
