Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
