Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
