He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Who died my cat blue again?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
