I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
