Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
So vagazzling was a success
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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