Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
