It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
