So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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