a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
