I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I want to be your penis for a week.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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