You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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