i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
