he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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