Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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