bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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