a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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