she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
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I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
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The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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