Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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