I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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