that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
sex in a hospital.. check
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
