i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special