He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.