final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back