i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory