Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.