she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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