I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
