she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
