Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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