Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
