Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
