I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
