How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
