just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
