You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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