The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
