I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
