and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
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I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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