is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Randomize
