is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
