While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
