Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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